yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
