I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
