Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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