is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
