my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
