sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
