i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
