if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
