quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
