her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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