New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
