Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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