btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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