Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
