We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
