let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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