I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
