i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
