I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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