Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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