Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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