I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
