shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
