I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
