I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
