Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
