It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
