I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
