Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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