I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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