Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
