so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
