I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
