Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
