I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
