I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have started to decorate penises.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
