I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
