I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
