Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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