I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
