Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
