i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
