Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
