just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
