its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
