nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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