Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
