he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
