Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
