Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
