I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
