Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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