I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
