I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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