In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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