Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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