I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
