dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
