Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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