I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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