can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
and you fell through a lawn chair
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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