3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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