I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
