just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Terrible idea I love it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
