Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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