There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
