I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
