Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
