How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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