I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize