note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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