Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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