Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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